Life often presents us with unsought challenges that almost always have a hidden possibility within them. This hidden possibility is the call that the crisis presents us with – a call to leave what is known and familiar and move toward the unknown and unfamiliar. By accepting that the crisis in front of us is about more than just surviving, we step into a journey that takes us through new … [Read more...]
Foreboding Joy
This post was originally published on PartnerHope.com Recently, I was listening to an audio recording of Brené Brown, Ph.D. As many of you know, she researches and speaks about issues of shame, vulnerability and wholehearted living. In this recording, she was discussing what she calls “foreboding joy.” “Foreboding” is not a word we hear all that often, so I looked it up in the dictionary. I … [Read more...]
Ten Things To Do (and Not Do) After Betrayal
If you've been cheated on, no matter how it is revealed or how it is done, where, when, or with whom, the painful fact is that cheating means you've been lied to, manipulated, and your trust has been betrayed. It's like an earthquake shaking you to your core. And the aftershocks can seem even more painful and jarring. The consequences, repercussions, outcomes, emotions, and reactions seem … [Read more...]
A Look Back
As we celebrate the holiday season with family and friends, we thought this week we'd review some of the most popular blog posts of 2018. We wish you a joyful holiday season and a happy new year. ~ The Center for Relational Recovery Team The Bookshelf Okay, this isn't a blog post but it is one of our most popular pages. We update it frequently and encourage you to browse … [Read more...]
The Knowing And Not Knowing of Betrayal Blindness
Many betrayed partners come into therapy in a state of shock and disbelief about their partner’s extracurricular sexual behaviors. They sit on my couch and tell me they had no idea, not even an inkling, of what their significant other was doing. I listen to them, and I know that their shock and surprise about what they have discovered is real, and they truly did not know what was happening. But I … [Read more...]
Love and Survival – Boundaries in Relationship
Written by Cheryl Schenck, LPC, CSAT This time of year, many of us are spending more time with extended family than usual, which often brings up conflicted and uncomfortable feelings. One of the secrets to surviving these complicated, yet meaningful relationships is to have an understanding of boundaries in relationships. We need to have good boundaries to love well. Boundaries encompass … [Read more...]
Betrayal: It’s Not Your Fault
Most betrayed partners carry the burden of the same secret fear: that it is some lack in them that has caused their significant other to seek sexual experiences outside of the relationship. The fear goes something like this: If I were thinner, had bigger breasts, was taller, had tighter thighs, were younger, had a prettier face…then he would not be looking at pornography on the Internet. … [Read more...]
Understanding Boundaries
Most people know about boundaries and instinctively understand they are important. Betrayed partners are no exception. Often, they feel a keen need to set and maintain boundaries with their cheating partner after discovery. However, what a boundary actually is, how to set a boundary, and how to effectively maintain a boundary can be highly misunderstood or just downright mysterious. For betrayed … [Read more...]
Betrayal: A Journey of Self-Imposed Discovery
When I was in the initial shock of dealing with Betrayal Trauma, I barely recognized myself. The competent, funny, focused woman I knew was gone, and in her place was a shattered, anxious, broken stranger. This stranger cried all the time, raged like a maniac, was exhausted and depressed, couldn’t concentrate, and felt desperate. I looked in the mirror and thought, “What is happening to me? How … [Read more...]
Listen To Your Gut
For many betrayed partners, the adage about hindsight being 20/20 feels very true. They look back after discovering infidelity and see so clearly all the little signs and indications pointing toward their significant other’s betrayal. They remember their feelings of unease, discomfort, fear, anxiety, uncertainty, doubt, and confusion. Then they remember how they chose to ignore what their … [Read more...]
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