Life often presents us with unsought challenges that almost always have a hidden possibility within them. This hidden possibility is the call that the crisis presents us with – a call to leave what is known and familiar and move toward the unknown and unfamiliar. By accepting that the crisis in front of us is about more than just surviving, we step into a journey that takes us through new … [Read more...]
December Recommended Readings
State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity by Ester Perel “Betrayal hurts but it can also be healed” Ester Perel writes. Perel has traveled the globe learning all she can about the time-honored, universally forbidden but also universally practiced taboo we call infidelity. What does it exactly mean? Why does betrayal hurt so much? Why does betrayal happen even in seemingly happy marriages? Is it … [Read more...]
The Cycle of Ambivalence
This post was originally posted on PartnerHope's blog Attachment ambivalence is the phenomenon of having two opposing safety imperatives fire inside of you at the same time in response to betrayal. One safety imperative tells you to move away from and disconnect from the source of your pain in order to stay safe. The other safety imperative tells you to move close and figure out how to reconnect … [Read more...]
Foreboding Joy
This post was originally published on PartnerHope.com Recently, I was listening to an audio recording of Brené Brown, Ph.D. As many of you know, she researches and speaks about issues of shame, vulnerability and wholehearted living. In this recording, she was discussing what she calls “foreboding joy.” “Foreboding” is not a word we hear all that often, so I looked it up in the dictionary. I … [Read more...]
The Cheater Before Discovery and The Cheater After Discovery: Two Different People
Today’s blog is written not just for you as a betrayed partner, but for your therapists, your pastors, your friends and family members, your 12-Step fellowship group members, and anyone else who is part of your support system as you seek healing. What I want to talk about is the difference between who your cheating partner is before the cheating is discovered and who he is after the cheating is … [Read more...]